Reamed By My Reaction To The Title Of This Book – Chuck Tingle

If you frequent this blog regularly you will know that I read a lot. Constant readers understand that books change them, but very few look deeply into the process by which that change happens to better understand it. Many of them will finish a book and spend several days of quiet reflection, perhaps sitting on a park bench and contemplating the higher truths of the work. After that, they will tell you that a work transformed them.

Those fools know nothing of transformation. They have not experienced the power of Chuck Tingle’s Reamed by My Reaction To The Title of This Book.

Chuck Tingle’s magnum opus is the story of, who one faithful day is given the titular book by an old friend. Despite the warnings from society at large, his own instincts, and even the friend who gifted the book title to him, X decides to experience the book, which is quickly made into flesh. Later, he will reflect on his place in the larger world, and come to understand just how transformative his reaction to Reamed By My Reaction To The Title of This Book was.

I am not going to sugar coat this. This book was a god-damn masterpiece.

Again, we can all say reading some trash by Tolstoy or Joyce changed our lives, but this is just naive sentimentalism. Those books don’t transform a damn thing, and the day after you finish them you might spend some time on a park bench thinking about things, but you’ll go back to your community college Travel Writing 101 class and just use that knowledge to try to pick up that one chubby unkempt blonde with the overbite. But admit it, just the week before you were talking to her about The Hunger Games. You’ve not changed.

Not like this book will change you.

There is little else I can say: I am not a completely different man. Again, that isn’t any kind of metaphorical language, while I was once an overweight bald 30-something, I am now the exact young, handsome man with the short brown hair and the chiseled chest that tapers down into a promising waist.   There is something much more promising beneath.

This book gave me a perspective on my place in the universe. I am no longer the lost and confused ESL teacher who is getting ready to move back to a developing country to drink himself to death. I am whatever attractive gay man I want to be, living in the paradise of Chuck Tingle’s imagination. And all of this was brought forth by submitting to My own Reaction to Reamed By My Reaction To The Title Of This Book.

Oh and by the way,

April Fools!